Written by Zack Matheson
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Topics: Driving

Thursday, 18 October 2007

image for Hee Haw DVDs Responsible for Slew of Highway Fatalities

KINGMAN, AZ -- Darlene Quinn is a cashier at the Kingman, Arizona, Love's Truck Stop who is starting to think of herself of a merchant of death. She does, after all, sell beer, cigarettes and the "Hee Haw" DVDs that have caused no less than nine highway deaths in the last three weeks.

Darlene does not know what to do.

"See, all them truckers are watchin' those videos while drivin' and then they crash their trucks. I can't tell them not to buy those videos, though."

Two months ago Love's began selling value priced three for $9.99 DVDs of the popular TV show starring Roy Clark and Buck Owens and since then, Love's can't keep the "Hee Haw" DVDs on the shelves.

"You wouldn't believe it," says Darlene, "They're selling better than all the NASCAR stuff we carry."

The videos have proven to be lethal and have lead to many accidents and deaths because truckers can't wait to pull over and watch their videos. Arizona Highway Patrolman Dennis Floater admits that the number of tickets he has issued for DWWs (Driving While Watching) has increased tenfold and unless trucking companies install some kind of device in the truck cabs that do not allow televisions to be on while the truck is in motion, the number of accidents and deaths due to "Hee Haw" and other videos will go up.

Says Officer Floater, "Hey, I like to laugh a lot too, but I also like my life. So how 'bout you keep those eyes on the road, okay?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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