BEND, OR -- Here in this so called "hippie haven" in the mountains, many people substitute patchouli oil for actual bathing and good personal hygiene. Margie Pierce, a tourist from Devil's Lake, North Dakota, discovered that patchouli oil can be dangerous.
Last weekend, while on vacation with her husband and two children, Margie Pierce accidentally wandered into a large drum circle in progress outside of a local bead shop. After inhaling large amounts of patchouli oil vapor radiating from the drum circle, Ms. Pierce was rushed to the hospital.
A HAZMAT team was called in to dispose of the noxious hippies but weren't able to remove them because every one of them were chained to trees to protest logging operations in the area.
A spokesman for the Oregon chapter of the American Heart Association stated that even used in small amounts, patchouli oil is still incredibly vile and suggests that people who use patchouli oil either bathe more often or simply stop smoking so much cannabis.