Written by Candice Hitler
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Topics: Money, Dollar

Thursday, 11 October 2007

image for Dollar Devalued
May as well be Monopoly money

It's no longer 'all about the Benjamins'. The American dollar is now so weak (think Adam Sandler movie weak), that the average supersized god bothering American is selling their notes to illegal paper merchants as this fetches more money for children's vital hamburgers than the value of the note itself.

In fact the currency has been so devalued that even a giant fridge full of money would be worth less than a flea's knees on the black market.

Most average Americans have started trading flags as currency or are bartering for goods with 'suspect' US sitcoms such as 'King Of Queens' featuring morbidly obese part-time truck Kevin James and 'Two and a Half Men' starring perma-drunk B-lister Charlie Sheen.

Many Americans are now being forced to work menial labour jobs in neighbouring 4th world countries such as Mexico and Greece.

John Delaney, former president of software giants 'BrainSoft' is now working as an usher in racist Mexican cinema 'El Destructo'

'Yeah at first it was weird downgrading my life but now i actually quite like mopping out the toilets and i've been able to see 'Never Ending Story' over 80 times. The guys here are pretty cool. Miguel stole my virginity when i first got here but he gave it back a week later. That's how they roll down here, all fun, drinking and guns and very little work. It suits me'.

John is one of the lucky ones. Mary Stuckep was a lawyer for murderously innocent football jockstrap OJ Simpson but is now forced to sit in a car park booth for up to eight days at a time. She is paid only in chicken's feet and chewing tobacco and is obliged by law to be sexually harrassed at least three times a day.

Things look bleak here. America is looking to it's allies in Britain and Latvia for some financial aid. So far aid packages containing board games and straw have been air-dropped into the worst effected areas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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