A landmark study by the Association of National Medical Doctors, in conjunction with the the medical journal "The Syringe," says grape eaters face a higher risk of death.
In a non grape eating control group of 1000 participants, one participant died within one year of eating grapes, as opposed to two out of 1000 that died in a grape eating group.
This 100% increase in the death rate is a shocking statistic for those who eat grapes. Doctors who conducted the study also pointed out that the results were probably not reproducible, which makes them "extra super special, and thus more important."
A spokesman for the National Association of Grape Eaters was quick to question the methods of the study: "What kind of grapes are we talking about? Concord grapes, those green kind that are a little bit sour, or those kinds with the squishy skin? There's all kinds of grapes, we need to be more specific"
He then added: "If you're talking about the Bolivian death grape, for example, it's pretty common to die after eating those. People kind of expect that. So let's be more accurate."
Consumer rights advocates suggested a "Bill of Rights" be drawn up for grape eaters, while others came forth with their own horror stories about grapes. The stories mostly involved unanticipated seeds.