With the severe drought that has affected much of the southeast and west this year and with all the world tired of watching the American government play charades and footsies with the leaders of oil-rich nations such as Iraq, Iran and the Saudi Emirates, the American government is getting smart (or desperate) and has decided to trade in the dollar for something much more valuable, water.
This decision came when President Bush returned home after a recent surprise visit to Iraq. Taking a page from Shakespeare's King Henry, or Homer's Odyssey he went out into the streets alone dressed as a commoner to see what kind of an effect the war was having on the people and to see if, in fact, it had produced any civilian deaths at all as has been reported by a "liberal" media.
Military officials said that he wore a long robe, fake beard, a turban and was shocked to find among other things the lack of available of clean water even to bathe in, the source of his conversion.
Water has been around for ages, since pre-history and the ice age, super croc and the caveman and since the puritans in Massachusetts threw suspected witches into it to see if they would float, but try living without it. Only 10% of the water on this planet may be used to make Starbucks coffee!
Frank Baum with the Center for American Studies in Logistics for Oz agrees with the president and the new water standard.
"Before fast food, American's bodies were comprised of 80% water. Now, the Center for Dietary Control (CDC) says that American's bodies are about 62% water (for munchkins, divide by one half), the rest vegetable oil, corn syrup and French fries. We need to pump more water back into Americans to make them healthy again."
But critics of the president just say that he is covering up for the conurbation clusters and short-sighted profiteering that has taken place in our communities and the cozy arrangements between developers and local politicians.
One critic added, "That there are no more trees in left in America. Now, the US government has no source for making more money!"
But critics of the bleeding hearts say that this is an exaggeration.
"There are certainly a lot of good trees in North Carolina, especially for 'a hangin'."