Carrollton Township, Michigan - (BigBong Mess): A Michigan police officer has managed to evade arrest for growing high-grade cannabis plants at home despite becoming incapacitated through getting his head stuck in a jar of Hellman's Mayo.
His story is reported in the Carrollton Township Observer today after assurances of anonymity.
The officer had cleverly adapted a family-size jar of the low-cal variety sandwich condiment into a smoking bong.
He was enjoying a quick hit in the peace and tranquility of his garden potting shed back home when a patrol car pulled up after a local tip-off.
Sensing imminent trouble, the off-duty cop's first thought was to hide his prized premium-grade cannabis plants that were growing on the shed window sill.
But in a flurry of excitement his head accidentally became stuck in the mayo bong, leaving him unable to breathe in any fresh air.
For a full minute and a half he fought back dizziness as the acrid smoke continued to fill his lungs and make his eyes water.
Grabbing the plants from the sill, he tossed them out of a partially opened window straight into the bottom of his organic compost bin cum wormery.
And then in a flash of inspiration somehow managed to ease his head out of the may jar before oxygen deprivation felled him to a heap on the ground.
Recounting the ordeal to fellow cannabis aficionados some days later, the cop said a couple of rookie officers in the patrol car did search his property, but were somehow put off from probing his compost bin after seeing it could also double up as an organic outdoor composting lavatory.
"Then as soon as they drove off, I rescued my prize plants and did an immediate harvest," the wily smoking cop admitted.
The bong meanwhile has been replaced with a non low-cal variety bottle.