Written by Richard Kelly
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Topics: George W. Bush

Saturday, 6 October 2007

image for Bush to run for third term under pseudonym
What would Che do?

George W. Bush is considering seeking a third term in the White House, under a new name. White House lawyers, befuddled by this turn of events, are busily reviewing constitutional law. According to W, the idea came to him from God in a waking dream, which he has said is his normal state of consciousness.

"I get most all my good ideas that way," the president said to a national television audience during a rain break in a lacrosse halftime show. "S'how I got the notion to invade Iraq." He smiled, with self-pleasure.

When asked timidly by a reporter "How would that be possible, sir? Isn't it against the constitution to run for a third term?"

"Well, Softball," which is the nickname W has given him, his second favorite journalist, preceded only by Kissass from Faux News.

"Well, Softball, ya see, it's gonna be a camel of a different color, as they say down on the ranch. My new handle will be Clete Hardwood. Constituition don't say nuthin' about a different name, does it!" He chuckled.

"But won't you still the same person, technically, sir?" another journalist politely inquired.

"Why hell ... 'scuse me, heck no. My wife Laura isn't the same person after she changed her last name by hitchin' to me. Ya'll might want to know she used to be very chipper and talkative, with a mind of her own, almost.

Now look at her. It's sort of like she had a lobotomy, the way a good Christian wife should be."

One reporter from a Christian broadcasting company, who had been praying, snapped to attentiin when she heard the word "Christian wife." She herself was what is known in her circle as a virtual virgin, having screwed herself silly for years before she found the Lord and reclaimed her spiritual hymen.

"Mister President," she asked, "is Jesus your favorite philosopher, as you once said in a pre-election debate in 2000?"

"Absolutely. No doubt about that one. Him and Superman."

There was a buzz in the room.

"Superman?" an elderly female left wing liberal commie journalist asked, smiling wryly. "As in the comic strip?"

"No," the president retorted sharply. "As in the Neetsy philosopher."

"Friedrich Nietzsche?" the elderly woman asked.

"Whatever, Helen. The same guy who wrote 'Itchy Homo,' against same sex hanky panky."

"Sir," said Helen, "that was "Ecce Homo" and it had nothing to do with homosexuality."

The President glared at her, grimly, whereupon three beefy secret service agents, knowing that signal, wrestled the 80 year old seated woman to the floor and carried her out, sans notepad, which was confiscated.

"Democracy's a wonderful system," Bush reassured the audience, as long as it isn't taken too literally. Any more questions."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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