Written by Helena Handbasket
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Friday, 5 October 2007

image for Vanessa Hudgens New Spokesmodel for "Strippers for Ron Paul"
Strippers for Ron Paul PAC draws new meetup members and campaign contributions wherever their members are given exposure.

05 Oct 07, LOS ANGELES, CA, USNA-- Political action committee Strippers for Ron Paul debuted actress Vanessa Anne Hudgens as their new official spokesmodel at a press-flesh conference yesterday. Hudgens spoke passionately but eloquently about Constitutional issues such as letters of marque and reprisal, taxation without regard to census or enumeration, and soft porn. Quotes from her speech:

  • "Stripping is a Constitutional right. The right to life includes the right to make love, and that includes the right to strip. And the right to strip for others-- wholesomely and responsibly-- comes under freedom of assembly."
  • "I can't promise anything, but when Ron Paul is elected, naked women will literally dance in the streets."
  • "Ron Paul will deregulate the industry. Just imagine your typical stripper, having to clutch two reams of regulatory paperwork to her bosom, and then being permitted to drop it all."
  • "Dr. Paul uniquely understands strippers-- he has seen thousands more vaginas than all other candidates combined. He is the epitome of responsible voyeurism."
  • "So remember, Dr. Paul is the only candidate who will protect your right to freedom from clothing!"

Hudgens faced tough questions when she completed her prepared text. When asked whether her involvement with Strippers for Ron Paul was just another publicity stunt to earn points for the use of her name, she said, "Maybe, but yes." When asked whether her employer, the Disney Company (a Council on Foreign Relations member), was simply trying to discredit Dr. Paul by linking him to a side-dressing issue, she denied that dressing was involved at all.

Dr. Paul's campaign was thankful for yet another unofficial grassroots support movement making news and spreading his message. Communications director Jesse Benton pointed out that stripping to protest government overreaching goes back to the prophet Ezekiel, a noted ecdysiast. A campaign staffer who preferred anonymity commented, "For 30 years, Dr. Paul has affirmed that preventing women from disrobing has never been an enumerated Constitutional power of Congress. He knows that whenever any woman goes on a stage with no clothes, the federal government has its hands in both her pockets."

Hudgens closed by reminding her audience that "Ron Paul girls" are busting out all over. Due to the Strippers for Ron Paul coordinated ad campaign, it is now commonplace to see advertisements consisting of nothing more than a photo of one of their hotties and the simple four-word message: "GO OGLE RON PAUL".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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