Oxford - (Academic Mess): So paranoid is George W Bush about the filing of imminent criminal harassment lawsuits against him and Dick Cheney by a number of American household name families that he has planted stooges in top British universities to spy on his legal adversaries' kids.
At Maudlin' College, Oxford, one female postgraduate found Crawford University's Regius Professor of Money Laundering Studies bugging her apartment just weeks after her parents decided to file charges against the Bush/Cheney regime in DC, London and New York.
Sub judice considerations prevent the early release of details.
But to quote a top UK anti-terror cop "it's about as bleedin' awful as you can get".
The Crawford University academic has claimed to be on a visiting professorship to study British financial structures.
But his Riggs Bank, Bogota branch offshore accounts gave him away last week when an undercover police investigation trapped him in the Bodleian Library's men's room where a Senator Larry Craig-type of moment showed a darker side to his official CV.
And in London's Imperious College the same postgraduate's sibling was perplexed at the allocation of a personal tutor who appeared to be stalking her after her laptop went missing.
Even more puzzling was that all mention about her father's multi-million dollar endowment in the college's astrophysics department was suddenly erased from public records despite three ex-NASA officials suddenly turning up on campus as bursary beneficiaries.
"Gotcha by the short 'n' curlies George!" was all that the plaintiffs' attorneys would say today.