White House chiefs were this evening attempting to underplay the arrest of President Bush, who was last night found eating a bowl of snots at a restaurant in the Bronx.
Bush, who once declared a fondness for maggots, was said to be 'tired, emotional and covered in stains'. The owner of the restaurant, Mr Guiseppe Revolting-Habits, said that the president came into his all-night eatery at 2.30 am this morning and ordered a plate of 'the finest bogeys'. Shocked customers were then surprised to see the president glue a brace of pheasants to his head and set fire to his chin.
Lord Phinzey Quillis, the British ambassador to Washington, revealed that he and his wife witnessed the entire bizarre incident. "President Bush seemed to be worse the wear for a mixture of brandy and Uranium 235. On entering the place wearing a pirate outfit and yodelling 'The Sound Of Music', he proceeded to smash the bar up with a forty-ton crane. He seemed quite annoyed".
The last time Bush was involved in an incident was in 1976, when he and Oliver Reed blew up the a pensioner's car using a hydrogen bomb. Fortunately, the gentleman survived, albeit having been reduced in bodily composition to one leg in a boot.
Police are asking anyone who witnessed the incident to contact them at the offices of Hello! magazine.