Reports that Dick Cheney was stabbed are as yet uncomfirmed by the White house. However, a confidential hospital report reveals that he has recieved three rapier wounds to the face and neck.
Mr Cheney was apparently duelling with the father of his daughter's fiancee Sheena Willis.
Apparently the dispute started not because of the unconventional nature of the wedding, but rather, because of the traditional values of the two fathers.
"Mary and her girlfriend Sheena were scheduled to get married on tuesday" says family friend Micky Bin Laden, "the two men were fighting over which one of them was technically the father of the bride and should foot the bill."
No solid association has yet been made between her father's name and Mary's aversion to the male member.