Miami-- (AP) -- Drug crazed criminals have reached a new low in south Florida, where a bizarre and heinous crime took place today. A security camera captured the brazen robbery of a defenseless kitten, apparently for it's catnip.
"These drug addicted fiends will stop at nothing to get their fix" said Chief of Police Hugh G. Rection at a hastily called press conference. "This kitten was so terrified, he couldn't even hiss, and now he refuses to use the litter box. It's just terrible!" The Chief refused to comment on pending criminal charges against him that he regularly engaged in, and bet on cat juggling.
The orange tabby, named Izzy Rabinowitz, is a former stray who had just moved to Miami Beach from New Jersey for a better way of life and a job with the National Hurricane Center in Coral Gables. The Center is conducting wind tunnel tests with small animals to determine how far they will travel when exposed to 150 mile per hour gusts.
Mr. Rabinowitz was able to provide a description of the perpetrator to a police sketch artist.