Written by David Cumti
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Topics: Texas, Playboy

Wednesday, 17 March 2004

image for Teenager Claims He Bought Porno Mag For The Articles

AUSTIN, TEXAS - A 13-year-old boy, caught in possession of last month's issue of Playboy Magazine, was grounded yesterday for three weeks by his mother, Megan Williams.

At first, Alan Williams, claimed his innocence, saying that he didn't know how the material arrived in his room. By dinnertime, the boy confessed to looking at the magazine, but maintained that he only "had the magazine for a really good article inside it."

The boy, an eight grader at Keeling Jr. High, argued that he was doing research for a science report on the duck-billed platypus. An investigation into the magazine content provided no support for his claim, but did contain several references to "pythons," "elephant trunks," and "kittens."

"I didn't know what the magazine was about," the younger Williams said. "All I wanted was to get a good grade on this school assignment. A friend told me that [Playboy] had good articles in it."

When asked for the names of the friend, Williams declined to offer a response.

Megan Williams threatened to discuss the matter with Alan's father, who is currently away on business, but agreed to bury the subject as long as Alan earned respectable grades on his report card next week.

A source close to the family said that news of his son's escapade would devastate Mr. Williams, a born-again Christian.

"Mr. Williams is a good man, a God-fearing man," the source said. "He would never approve of the reading of this smut. His son should be disciplined for such immorality."

As of early this morning, Alan Williams remained inside his room, where his mother has put him on suicide watch.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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