Washington (IP) - Our Washington reporter has received news that GW Bush has changed his first name to Akmar and that he has surrendered to military police for being AWOL during the Vietnam conflict. This event has reportedly made Dan Rather feel vindicated for the ordeal he suffered at the hands of the Bushstapo.
Akmar Bush will plead that he went AWOL for religious reasons. His mother, Barbara said that her son was from an elite patrician sector of the population and was never destined by God to suffer in war nor in labor. Akmar pleaded with his mother to not make embarrassing comments on the situation.
Akmar says he was retroactively applying for conscientious objector status and that he hopes not to have to spend time in prison the way Cassius Clay did for dodging military service.
A few minutes later Akmar knelt down on his knees and faced his holy city and chanted some prayers. The whole thing made Barbara and King George Bush the First very uncomfortable and they seemed to turn pale at the sight of their son acting in such a foreign fashion.
King George Bush the First said that the foreign religion is really a social and political system and on that basis should be banned in the west in the same way that communism was. He spoke of how that "religion" is growing in Europe and will soon be the majority force which will be impossible to root out.
As Akmar knelt a dog came along an mistook him for a fire hydrant. Secret Service (SS) agents ran over and chased the dog away. Barbara had a clean shirt in her bag and she forced Akmar to change into it. As he did so his puny, skinny, little arms devoid of any muscle were exposed. An SS agent asked, "what are those strings hanging down from your shirt sleeves ? Oh, I'm sorry, those are your arms."
Bush the First says that the folks who practice that religion were still worshipping multiple gods as late as the 8th century AD and they are presumptuous to assume an attitude of religious superiority over other religions that were established thousands of years before the Johnny-come-lately religion was manufactured by folks still wearing diapers in relatively recent times. He likened them to a cancer which is growing on a body and needs to be surgically removed before the whole body rots.
Barbara took a more sympathetic view towards her son and said he could again hide under her dress in the same way he did during the Vietnam quagmire. She said, "He's a good boy and he has never stolen a freight train" as she wiped off some tears.