Written by Noshing Mink
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Wednesday, 19 September 2007

image for "It was Angela Lansbury all along", admit police
Cops rush to the scene of another Lansbury crime

Police in America have admitted for the first time that a spate of murders committed over a period of 12 years from 1984 were the work of the same person. The serial killer has been named as pretend mystery writer Angela Lansbury.

"Basically", said Retired Sheriff Tom Bosley, "Angela would breeze into town for some gala or book-signing event, and people would start dropping like flies left, right and center. Angela would then take charge of the investigation and catch the so-called perp, who would end up admitting his or her guilt. It all sounds so simple."

However, as Bosley, the father of well-known Hollywood producer and director Richie Cunningham, said, the truth is never that simple. Lansbury would have bumped off the victim herself, using a variety of clever techniques, and by pretending to investigate the murder, she would put herself above suspicion. She would then bribe the suspect to admit the crime, winning glory and cash prizes for herself for being the super sleuth who solved the case.

Lansbury, who has appeared in over 250 episodes of "Murder She Wrote", during which at least one victim died per show, has therefore notched up for herself the title of Most Prolific Serial Killer in America.

FBI agents investigating the case for years claim that Lansbury has amassed a fortune from the killings. One commented:

"She's supposed to be a mystery writer but I haven't seen any of her books in Barnes & Noble or on Amazon. Have you?"

CBS, the makers of Murder, she Wrote, have announced that they will be making a drama series of the investigation into Angela Lansbury, in which Angela Lansbury will be played by Angela Lansbury.

Police have also hinted that they will be investigating top hospital surgeon Dick Van Dyke for murder and reckless use of a fake Cockney accent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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