Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: Murder, Florida

Sunday, 14 March 2004

A Sarasota, Florida judge refused to dismiss the charges against Joseph P. Smith, accused of the kidnapping, rape and murder of an eleven year old girl. The February 1st abduction gathered world wide attention because the actual kidnapping was caught on the security camera of a car wash. The lawyer defending Mr. Smith cited as reason for the dismissal request the chance that the intense media coverage resulting from the fact that Mr. Smith was stupid enough to kidnap an eleven year old girl on video tape might prejudice a jury against the despicable, cold blooded killer.

"We believe that Mr. Smith should get away with the kidnap, rape and murder", Assistant Public Defender Adam Tebrugge said, "After all, how can this man get a fair trial when everyone on the planet watched him lead the little girl to her death? The Reasonable Doubt defense really suffers when there's no doubt at all. What did I do to deserve getting stuck with this case anyway? So I ate the D.A.'s Krispy Kreme Bavarian Crunch Surprise doughnut by mistake. I really thought it was my lettuce and cheese sandwich. How long am I going to have to pay for one mistake?"

"Forever.", replied Saratoga County District Attorney James A. Murphy, "The little creep thinks he can screw with the D.A.'s donuts? I don't think so."

(Authors Note: The following story is not completely accurate. Krispy Kreme Doughnuts do not make a Bavarian Crunch Surprise.)

This story was approved by Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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