Written by Johnny Moodis
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Topics: Bowling

Saturday, 13 March 2004

image for Man Actually Buys and Uses Bowling Alley Condom
The condom machine in question.

In a rare event, 27-year-old Glen Harrison actually purchased a condom from the machine in a bowling alley restroom on Friday night.

Harrison was on a date with Brenda Watson, 24, at the Lanes O' Fun bowling alley when a drunken Watson suggested that they go back to Harrison's place.

"Friday night is long island iced tea night at the alley," Harrison said. "Brenda must have put away about seven of them. She was really hammered, but hey, when I get an opportunity, I take it."

After Watson's suggestion, Harrison realized that he had no condoms at his apartment, since he hasn't needed one in five years. Not wanting to discourage Watson's mood by wasting precious time going to a drug store on the way home, Harrison desperately went to the restroom and bought a Lucky Night brand condom from the machine for 50 cents.

"Yeah, I was a little concerned about the quality, but I'm not riding that bike without a helmet on," Harrison said. "That girl has been around the block more than the ice cream man."

While the condom was ill-fitting and dry, and despite the fact that Watson passed out immediately afterwards, the operation was a success.

"Bing, bang, boom. Done," Harrison said. "The whole thing lasted about 45 seconds, so the discomfort of the condom wasn't really an issue."

The next morning, after Watson stumbled home, Harrison went out and bought a large quantity of Trojans.

"Given my track record, and my appearance, another one-night-stand is highly unlikely, but you never know," Harrison said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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