Moscow, Russia - From Russia with Straight Love? After the rumored U.S. air force development of a hormone based Gay Bomb that would make enemy soldiers more interested in getting to "know" each other in the Biblical sense of the word rather than fighting, Russian scientists have been secretly working round-the-clock to build a Heterosexual Bomb in an effort to counter the much-feared sexual reorientation ordnance from the West. Today the Russians successfully tested what they believe is the counter agent.
Top Russian military commanders insist that Gay Bomb threat from the West is real, and they claim to have gathered military intelligence that Gay Bomb has already been deployed in Europe among U.S. allies.
"Gay-bomb warheads have already been deployed among NATO forces and placed on Cruise missiles all along Russia's most southern boarders," said a high-ranking Russian official. "Further, we suspect the highest concentration of Gay Bomb warheads are in France. We don't have any evidence to bear this out, we just think it makes sense, don't you?"
According to Russian military strategists, in the event of an all-out Gay Bomb attack by the West, Mother Russia is prepared to launch her full compliment of Heterosexual Bomb at her own military and/or civilian targets.
"Russia will not be taken over by turning us into gay peoples," warned a Russian General. "If the U.S. lunches the Gay Bomb, we now have a neutralizing agent in our arsenal to counter its gay effects on us by bombing ourselves back into heterosexually."
Those that are lucky enough to survive either the initial or the subsequent bomb blasts of the Gay Bomb and Heterosexual Bomb, they will be 100 percent heterosexual and ready to make war not love, said a Russian official.