Washington (IP) - The Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction which exposed her nipple to millions of horrified viewers has led to draconian measures directed against American women.
The Bush administration working together with America's secret religious police and Department of Moral Decency have ordained that all women must have their nipples permanently removed. They have declared that the nipple poses a threat to national security because of its ability to undermine moral values.
For years the mere sight of a woman's nipple has induced crippling bouts of masturbation among American males. This activity guarantees these men a one way trip to the lake of fire. Indeed, former attorney general Johnny Ashcroft ordered that artistic statues of naked women be covered with clothing so as to not cause a further erosion of American morals.
Many women are lining up at U.S. Post Offices in an attempt to obtain passports. They are planning on asking Iran, Saudi Arabia, and other middle eastern countries for asylum.