California's Supreme Court has ordered San Francisco officials to immediately suspend same-sex couples.
Referencing the state's family code, which defines same-sex couples as ‘an affront to man and an abomination unto God', the Supreme Court told San Francisco's officials that they must round up all same-sex couples in the Bay area, transport them to camps which must be established ‘somewhere where they can't be seen or heard', and hang them up by their feet.
Outraged conservatives such as California Governor Arnold ‘I'm not gay' Schwarzenegger greeted the news with cheers and laughter. "I believe strongly in the law that we have right now in California, which respects domestic partnership and I think that's a very good law," said the Governor today. "These queers and lesbos are frankly a source of shame for all decent people and a blot on our State. Dangling them upside down for a few days might make them think twice and get normal."
San Francisco's Mayor, Gavin Newsom, was dismayed by the ruling. "I don't believe that the Supreme Court has the right to issue orders of this kind," he told theSpoof. "It's discriminatory in the worst possible way. Why should our gay friends be singled out for this treatment? In my view everyone is entitled to be strung up by the ankles till their heads burst. I shall be writing to the Governor and the chair of the Supreme Court as soon as I can find a pencil."
Gay couples all over the San Francisco area have been panicked by the announcement. "I have nothing to wear for a dangling," said Jeff Buns, wiping a tear from his eye. "And my partner Jeff hates having his feet higher than his head - at least for more than a few minutes. It brings him out in hives. I can't believe that dear sweet Arnie could be so cruel."