Written by Helena Handbasket
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Thursday, 6 September 2007

image for Huckabee Outed as Attack Chihuahua, Duels Ron Paul
Republicacrat black sheep, Rep. Ron Paul (left) strikes mortal blow to Gov. Mike Huckabee's credibility in Durham debate.

6 Sep 07, DURHAM, NH, USNA-- At last night's CBC Republicacrat debate, Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee carried out the mission entrusted to him by CFR Straw Poll delegates this weekend. Huckabee ordered all Republicacrats to vote for President-Elect Clinton rather than Ron Paul for President.

Huckabee clearly was tapped to deliver this key message because Rudy Rompson, holder of three Council on Foreign Relations memberships, had already been designated by CFR for the conflicting role of designated loser, and also could not attend tonight's debate as an unannounced candidate. Rompson had announced his candidacy earlier last night to Jay Leno, but was excused from debate because the Tonight Show had not aired yet. Rompson also posted an announcement video to his campaign website one minute after midnight on the 6th, apparently timed precisely to preserve the critical alignment of Saturn.

Huckabee stated, "Honour ... is more important to the Republicacrat Party" than "if we [win or] lose elections". In so doing, he inescapably implied that all Party members would prefer that a Demon become 44th President of the United States of North America, than that Republicacrat Dr. Paul's allegedly dishonourable foreign policy be voted in. Unlike Dr. Paul, Gov. Huckabee clearly affirmed that the "honour" of "just following orders" was preferable to the alleged dishonour of "not following unjust orders", and Huckabee is willing to take the Republicacrat Party down with him. Huckabee has clear experience toeing paths to destruction, being the Arkansas Governor who has raised taxes more than any of his predecessors (even President-Elect Clinton's husband).

Huckabee rationalized his disembodied Orwellian invocation of "honour" by connection to certain "promises" America had made, without clarifying what promises were made to whom. Since all war promises to Americans had been years ago either broken or characterized as "mission accomplished", the only promises remaining appear to be those which America has made to the Council on Foreign Relations. For instance, in 2002, then-president George W. Bush famously promised CFR member Halliburton Energy Services that "we'll milk this bull for all she's worth, Dick", which was widely taken to express that CFR's international banking cartel members would be permitted to continue issuing war debt and consolidating global power as long as he, or current acting president Richard B. Cheney, remained in office.

Some debate analysts considered Huckabee's "honour over victory" approach as a tacit withdrawal from the race, because it briefly hinted that something moral might be more important to Huckabee than winning elections. But ultimately, Huckabee stated that the executive must retain the honour of public service even if it is forcibly stripped of the honour of public service. The honour of the Army's current direction must be preserved even if elections force the Army's current direction not to be preserved.

Huckabee cleverly enunciated a catchall Catch-22 policy, which all soldiers will recognize to be the military's standard operating procedure. Therefore, he did not actually withdraw from the race because, as a contradiction, his statement was both meaningless and good policy.

As reported by Sean Hannibal of CBC, Sen. John McCain won the debate with 14% of postdebate votes. Gov. Huckabee came in second with 17% because he endorsed McCain, and Dr. Paul placed third with 34%.

Significant excerpts of the CBC transcript follow:

Chris Wallace: Congressman Paul [interrupted by sustained cheers, applause], Congressman Paul, your position on the war is pretty simple: Get the Hell out [laughter from Hannibal, Hume]. What about, though, when you pull out, [Wallace lights fireworks] thousands of Iraqis are unprotected who have staked their lives for us, al Qaeda develops camps after we leave, [fireworks explode] and you are tried and hung for the absolutely certain bloodbath that occurs?

Ron Paul: They say there'll be a bloodbath, but they said it'd be a cakewalk, it'd be slamdunk, it'd be oil-paid! Why believe them? They've been wrong on everything they've said [interrupted by cheers]! The region doesn't want our troops on the Arabian Peninsula. It's the policy that is wrong! [Rhythmically:] Tactical movements and shifty manoeuvres, airlifting troops and restocking whores' duivers, [breaking into song:] thirty more armies reduced by five wings! These are irrelevant policy things! [Applause, Paul bows, Hannibal grimaces.] We need a new foreign policy: mind our own business, bring our troops home, defend this country, defend our borders [interrupted by cheers, applause].

Chris Wallace: So, Traitor Paul, you're basically saying that we should take our marching orders from al Qaeda [laughter]?

Ron Paul: No! [cheers, applause, laughter] We should take our marching orders from our Constitution [cheers, applause]. We should not go to war without a declaration. We've committed the invasion of this war, and it's illegal under international law [cheers from audience; boos from moderators closer to mike] ....

[Later:] Mike Huckabee: We have to continue the surge, Chris, and your question reminds me of a prepared story I stole from Colin Powell. When I was a little kid, if I went into the Pottery Barn with my mother, if I picked something off the shelf and I broke it, I bought it. I learned, don't pick something off the shelf I can't afford to buy. Not that I was ever a juvenile delinquent kleptomaniac, notice I didn't admit breaking anything [laughter]. Well, what we did in Iraq, we essentially broke it. It's our responsibility to do the best we can to try to fix it, because Honour is at stake. John McCain knows, we can't leave until we've left honourably. Congressman, we've got a responsibility to the honourability of this country and to the honourableness of every man and woman who has served, to not leave them with honourabilitylessness [cheers, applause].

Brit Hume [frowning at Paul]: He just addressed you; you go ahead and respond.

Ron Paul: The American people didn't go in. A few people advising this administration, a small number of people called the Trilateral CFR Bilderberg neocons [Hannibal snickers while dialing his text-message vote for Huckabee], hijacked our foreign policy. They're responsible, not the American people [cheers, applause].

Mike Huckabee: Congressman, we have to be one nation under God. That means if the President dives off a cliff, the country is honourabilitynessbound to follow him.

Ron Paul: No. When the first lemming makes a mistake [interrupted by applause], it is the obligation of the other lemmings through their representatives to correct the mistake, not to continue the mistake [cheers, applause]!

Mike Huckabee: And continuing the mistake is what we must do, with honour, on the floor of the ... [interrupted, may have been "oval office"].

Ron Paul: No! We've dug a hole for ourselves, and our party! We're losing elections and we're going down next year if we don't change it, and it has all to do with foreign policy.

Mike Huckabee: Honour-- even if we lose elections, it is more important to the established Republicacrat Party not to lose our honorificabilitudinitatibus [Hume looks quizzically at Hannibal]-- thus our antidisestablishmentarianism [Hannibal looks down, busily redials his vote].

Ron Paul: We're losing! We have lost [cheers, applause], over five thousand Americans over there in Afghanistan and Iraq, the civilians killed, and-plus, lost the midterm elections! How many more elections do you want to lose? Not to mention troops and civilians. All we're doing is saving face. It's time we came home [cheers, applause].

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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