Washington, D.C. - It was just announced to the public that a B-52 was flown from North Dakota to Louisiana with six armed nuclear missiles on board this past August 30, each decommissioned cruise missile capable of producing a five to 115-kilotons yield explosion. The deadly cargo was mistakenly loaded onto the plane but according to military fail-safe protocol, the Armageddon devices were in no danger of being detonated, even if the plane were to have crashed.
"We are very upset to say the least, said a White House spokesman regarding the incident. "The President has standing orders that if any nuclear missiles are to be transported within the contiguous boarders of the United States, it's to be over the Blue states only."
It is reported that when President Bush was informed of the mistake of the plane carrying its cargo of death veered off the scheduled flight path over Blue states and on over to Red states, he was furious, demanding the immediate resignation of the person responsible, with the exception of a personal friend, of course.
After a top aide reminded Bush that he was ultimately responsible because he is the Commander and Chief, he immediately asked if anyone wanted the new cabinet position he just thought up called, the Nuclear War Czar. They would be in charge of overseeing all military transportation of nuclear devices and report their findings exclusively to him, he said.
Cheney is said to have taken exception to the President proposal of appointing a new cabinet position, creating another government job, and suggested that all future transportation of thermonuclear devices be contracted out to private company on a no bid multibillion dollar government contract bases to then be subcontracted to off shore foreign nationals.
The Democratic controlled Congress is reported to have issued subpoenas to investigate on how nuclear missiles could be transported exclusively over Blue states and not Red like they had been doing along in the past.
However, Greenpeace successfully argued enough trees have been sacrificed already by Congressional subpoenas. Besides, Bush is ignoring them anyways, and the Democrats have nothing to prove to the American people who voted for them. Not anymore, now that the elections are over and they are back in power again. To which the Democrats finally agreed on something and stopped issuing subpoenas.