Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: Iraq, Peace

Friday, 12 March 2004

A former Democratic Congressional aide has been charged with attempting to make peace with Iraq before the war. Susan Lindauer, ex aide to Senator and Democratic Presidential hopeful Carol Mosley-Braun, has been arrested and charged with working with the Iraqi Intelligence Agency before the war. Ms. Lindauer was alleged to have been attempting to act as an intermediary between Saddam Hussein's government and a relative, Bush White House Chief of Staff, Andrew Card.

Mr. Card, who was reported to be thrilled to hear that his cousin had inadvertently involved him in an espionage plot said, "Look, she's sort of a distant relative from my mothers side, I barely even know her. Thanksgiving and the odd Easter dinner, that's it. All of those guys on that side (of Mr. Card's family) are a little crazy. You should see my Uncle Festus and his family out in Montana. Liberals and Democrats, every one. It's embarrassing, but you can't choose your relatives, right?"

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " Even though everyone knew that she wasn't trying to harm National Security in any way and really believed that she could help to avert a war, we thought it best to arrest her and charge her with something. I mean, you can't have people going around trying to curb the President's military aggression, it's un American. Who do these people think they are?"

Continuing to speak on the condition of more anonymity, Waterhouse said, " It's only because we're a little sensitive right now to the fact that the war turned out to be pointless and only distracted us from the fight against terrorism that's keeping this woman out of Guantanamo Bay right now. The bottom line is, you're either for George Bush or you're a traitorous piece of bog slime."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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