Washington - (Ass Mess & ReUterus): Hillary Rodham Clinton isn't Hillary Rodham Clinton - she's Lyndon B Johnson's daughter Susan, according to a new book published today by Pierre Salinger's biographer.
And Bill Clinton topped the real Hillary before burying her body in a desert canyon just before things got really tricky in the Rose Law firm where Vince Foster was being investigated for godknowswhat.
And Patriot Act author Michael Chertoff knows all about it having been the Senate Whitewater Committee special counsel studying allegations against the Clintons, including those about their apparent hiring of an ex-FBI officer to 'suicide' Vince Foster in 1993.
As for Chelsea Clinton she's the daughter of a Russian emigre mobster who has made a fortune out of crack dealing before reinventing himself as a bona fide London tycoon.
The original Chelsea met the same fate as her birth mom and lies buried near her in the Arizona desert.
Last year the second Chelsea's London mobster dad invited the Clintons to a ritzy birthday bash before persuading Bill Clinton to see his way to smoothing a clear path for him to buy the US embassy premises in central London.
And Bill Clinton's real dad is a greasy spoon proprietor who had a fling with Old Fatty Mountbatten who was made to give up the babe to a Sicilian mafia family when he was barely a few hours old.
The movie rights to be new Hillary book are said to be up for auction next month as is the original documentary paperwork on which the biography is based.
Every Bush Administration mobster cabal member will be given an opportunity to bid for these, either in single lots or as one composite entity.
More news expected next week.