Golf master Tiger Woods has taught "Mary Poppins" dancing fool Dick Van Dyke how to spin a spider web.
"He's a very interesting young man", ponders Van Dyke, "I never asked but he just started spinning and next thing you know it's a web. A most remarkable thing".
"He appeared to excrete a sticky substance from his hind legs and just went around and around in circles for maybe 40 minutes, or so".
"Then he crawled down from the side of the club house, and there it was - a perfectly symmetrical spider web that must have been 20 foot wide", spoke Van Dyke.
Woods was more humble in his words, "It just comes natural. It's nothing special".
The web has become a focal point at the Corrupt B*stards Golf Clubin LA with many queuing to see it.