PRBS Newswire - In what appears to be a true breakthrough for Presidential politics, the Clinton - Obama - Edwards 2008 Presidential Team announced an actual plan to combat terrorism today, more than 6 months ahead of the primaries.
Excited campaign insiders, willing only to speak anonymously, leaked the story of the plan. "Turns out that after a hard day of slinging mud, the candidates were having cocktails together at the Rockefeller Media center with Ted Turner, Rupert Murdoch, and Les Moonves" Sources confirm the plan was hatched at a bar. Politicians were overheard thinking while drinking.
Apparently Murdoch ordered up some beer and quickly brought the conversation to terrorism. Edwards, a notable light drinker, was the first to concede that "it is something that Democrats will have to face". As Ted poured from the whiskey bottle he turned the conversation to Iraq and how badly it is going. A visibly woosy Clinton admitted that "leaving Iraq, as it is now, would be a tragedy." And as Les Moonves handing out tequila shots brought the conversation to FCC rules, media mergers, some mumbling about scratching each others back and most importantly how much money CBS will make off of the Presidential Campaign. At that point a very drunk Obama admitted he was ready for almost any fight…and began listing how he has a 2 point plan to spank that Janet Jackson for her special interests trouble. Rupert seeing the situation was deteriorating attempted to get it under control and ordered coffee.
That is about the time they got on the topic of campaign videos. They talked about how you really need to grab attention these days to compete on the web. And then it happened, Barack just blurted it out, "yeah like telling people their car should be tax free". Edwards tried to correct him, "you mean their primary home". Obama "you might like to hear it, but the truth is to really fight terrorism, you need to cut off funding at the source". Sen Clinton nods "we are paying for both sides of this war on terror, and a tax break would be just the thing to get a Democratic ticket elected. The Republicans would never see THAT coming!". And before the Media Moguls shocked faces, they formed a plan to stop paying for both sides of the War on Terror.
The extremely simple plan calls for allowing US citizens to own their car tax free and without any government registration or regulation fees.
Asked how this was to work in the war on Terror, Ms Clinton explained, "we are using incentives to encourage governments to stop funding both sides of the War on Terror." Edwards chimed in, "oh I see, because our soldiers get paid from tax revenue of auto sales…and then the oil from the middle east funds the local boys there" Obama interjected excitedly, "yes, if you cut out the sales tax revenue, the government will have 20% less money to work with. We should see a reduction in Terrorism by at least 20%." The sobering Hillary pointed out that when you remove the governments "cut" , "this will also end the practice of local governments acting as auto sales partners." "Today we declare the Democratic Party is taking a stand Against Car Sales Taxes! We are here to say we will NOT allow the sponsorship of auto malls. We will NOT allow the use of government land for storing unsold vehicles. And finally, we will NOT allow those gigantic auto mall signs along our freeways." Obama cutting in again, "yeah and the County of Sacramento might want to get that $1million back from the auto dealership today! Man I really feel like a fight…..who's buyin the next round?".
Campaign officials later clarified the comments, "this anti-terrorism effort focuses on reducing the purchases of foreign oil. Getting the government out of the business of selling cars for profit will result in less cars on the road and will also cut down on the purchase of foreign oil."
Representatives for Rupert Murdoch, Ted Turner, and Les Moonves did not return calls. Although anonymously they admit those drinks were a bad idea. Auto and Oil companies are some of the largest advertisers. And they like to advertise on patriotic stations that market war and fear.
John McCain responded "Democrats are Cutting Taxes?! Aaww Geeze, I guess we really are becoming one party..."