Boise, Idaho (IP) - Republican Senator Jeff Craig insists he is Notgay, the god of heterosexuals in the opposite world. He insists that just because he lives in a closet that that does not make him gay. He called our Washington reporter and told him so.
Idaho Republican Senator Jeff Craig insists that wearing women's underwear and buying gay porno magazines does not make him gay. He also swears that looking through men's rooms stalls and touching the feet and hands of the occupants in those stalls does not make him gay. Whispering to men in bathroom stalls that he wants sex is another thing that does not make him gay he says. Passing notes in order to solicit public bathroom occupants for sex does not make him gay either he swears.
He hates those terrible, horrible, and lying law enforcement officers and this is all their fault. If he had not been caught everything would be OK gosh darn it to heck.
He started crying as he complained that being a politician has raised his status and standard of living and level of financial gain to lofty heights and how in the Notgay world is he supposed to go on living without all of those health insurance, pharmaceutical, and pension benefits and other forms of financial gain that the average working person cannnot even imagine? What about all that money and all of the other goodies that pour in from lobbyists? "What will happen to his Caiman Islands bank accounts?", he tearfully lamented.
He apologized and reminded everyone how the REPUBLICAN party had promised they would be the party of morality and the new moral compass for America - if everyone would just vote for THEM everything will be different and better.
Things are different all right. America was at peace and is now at war against an impotent enemy it somehow can't defeat. Osama is kicking back on a hammock somewhere enjoying the good life. America's army and treasure has been squandered in Iraq and half-a-trillion dollar$ is missing. Freedom is on the march - somewhere.
50 million Americans are without health Insurance.
The price of fuel has tripled. Oil companies, insurance,and pharmaceutical corporate profits are up about $70 billion dollar$ each quarter while Americans have to work 3 jobs just to make ends meet. 95% of the wealth is now held by 5% of the population.
The borders are broken while millions of strangers pour into the country and take away whatever jobs have not already been outsourced. Veterans benefits have been cut and soldier's pay is chronically late as they are foreclosed upon in record numbers. America has more prisoners per capita than any other country in the world.
The constitution and the Bill of Rights are in shambles.
Refuse to believe it? Just look it all up on search engines.
Thanks, Jeff Craig and all your fellow REPUBLICANS.
And all that the democraps have to offer is more of the same.