Written by NickFun
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Saturday, 1 September 2007

image for Larry Craig was "just jerking off"
Craig claims he was just jerking off over Paris Hilton (above)

Recently resigned Conservative Republican senator Larry Craig said he was "just jerking off" when he was arrested for propositioning an undercover police officer.

"The details of the case have not been made public", Craig said in an alleged candid interview. "I was in my car watching a video of the Paris Hilton sex tapes. This made me horny so I pulled over and went into the mens room at the airport to jerk off. I swear, I was just jerking off privately in a stall over my lust for a woman when I asked this man in the next stall to help because I had dropped some toilet paper which I intended to wipe the cum off myself with. I had no intention of getting a blow job or asking for any anal sex or doing anything that those godless homosexuals do".

Craig emphatically denies that he is a homosexual and believes all homosexuals will burn in hell for eternity. He also claims that he is a devout heterosexual and only has sex with his wife.

"My wife makes me plenty horny, even at her age and with her sagging breasts", Craig claimed.

Mr. Craig also insisted that he has many videotapes and pornographic magazines at home which only depict women having sex with men, masturbating and urinating in public. This, he claims, is proof of his heterosexuality. He does not own a single homosexual DVD.

Ernie Tubbs, the owner of Craig's local video store, disputes Craig's assertions. "I don't know if he owns any but last week he rented Gay Boys in Prison, Big Dick Harry and Up the Bunghole".

Craig's wife also declared that Craig is not gay. "Just because he likes to have sex with men doesn't make him gay", she said.

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