Written by Ken Adrian
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Wednesday, 10 March 2004

Washington, D.C. - John Ashcroft, the religious and "crooning" U.S. Attorney General has surprised friends and family today with the announcement that he will auction his gall stone on ePay.

"It's really, really big" Ashcroft said as he displayed the bio-matter to the press "I think it'll fetch a great price."

When asked WHY he was selling his gall stone, Mr. Ashcroft reported broke into song "Let the ea-gle soar! Like it's never soa-red be-fore!!!"

Barbera Streisand was reportedly offended by his immitation of her vocal stylings. "Let's face it..." the singer proclaimed "John Ashcroft is really quite insane."

ePay is reportedly thrilled about the auction. A spokesperson for ePay said "This is just the beginning of human bio-matter auctions. We're in contact with U.C.L.A. right now about other human bio-matter - um - possibilities."

Proceeds from the sale of Mr. Ashcroft's gall stone will go to the families of people who come to his singing performances. "It's my way of saying thank you to all those beautiful Republicans who've followed my singing career." Ashcroft shared.

Bidding starts on ePay at $1,000,000 (US) which is how much the three fans of Mr. Ashcroft's singing requested to come out and hear him again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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