Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Friday, 24 August 2007

image for A troubled ex-astronaut, Lisa Nowak, asks court to remove ankle monitor; requests dog leash instead
Nowak lives in the same neighborhood as Shipman's boyfriend. Hey, what's going on here?

Orlando, Florida - Former astronaut, Lisa Nowak, appeared in court today asking the judge to removed the court ordered electronic monitoring ankle bracelet, reportedly because it obstructs her ability to drive across county, sleep in underground parking structures and evade law enforcement officials. In addition, she also fears the device may electrocute her, should she spring a leak in one of her nappies.

Instead, Nowak asked the judge if she could be outfitted with a dog leash tied to a really long clothesline in her yard and promised to stay at least 100 feet away from Colleen Shipman, the co-worker she is alleged to have stalked and intended to assault.

Shipman asked the judge to deny Nowak's request for the dog leash tied to a clothesline because it runs adjacent to the street she drives by on a regular bases to visit her boyfriend that lives in the same neighborhood as Nowak.

"That's a long clothesline," said Shipman on the stand in her testimony to the judge at the Nowak's hearing. "And with a long enough dog leash attached, she could run out into the street to my car and chase me for at least a couple of blocks before I'd be able to lose her."

The judge has taken the request under consideration and will render his ruling on Monday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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