Washington D.C. (IP) - Washington DC has been declared off limits to the growing practice of drug testing entire cities by macro testing for the contents of drug residues in the cities sewer systems.
Senator Marion Barry said that it is nobody's damned business what is present in the sewers of the capital, no way, no damned how.
Other senators agreed and declared that drug testing is for peons and that anyone who so much as thought about suggesting that politicians, who are placed in their lofty positions by none other than GOD, should be drug tested would immediately be sent to Guantanamo for an indefinite period of time.
Hillary Clinton and Obama (rhymes with Osama) axed the question, "the drug test, how do it know ? How do it know who be taking no damned drugs ? The whole ting is redickaless if you axe me..."
Other cities are being tested and Palm Beach showed a high level of powdered cocaine use which is perfectly legal for anyone who has a Palm Beach resident decal on the windshield of any car worth over $150,000. Crack and meth are both definitely out except in Las Vegas.
In Texas the use of drugs used in state mandated executions showed up in the drug tests in high concentrations. This week Texas will execute a man who killed no one. He just happened to be a passenger in a car where another individual spontaneously got out of the car and killed someone during an altercation.
Las Vegas showed high concentrations of everything as did Hollywood.