The hotel manager for the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Istanbul, Turkey, today confirmed the discovery of documents indicating that the Bilderberg Group has decided who will be the next President of the United States. The documents were originally found in the honeymoon suite by the maid and forwarded to the hotel's lost and found department. They remained there until an American tourist,looking for his hat discovered the documents and realized their significance.
The discovered documents confirm that the Bilderbergers and sister organizations have successfully infiltrated the executive branch of government in every election since Warren G. Harding. The documents further confirm the Group's selected candidate for 2008 is Hillary Clinton on the Democrat ticket. In a surprise revelation, the Republican candidate will be 10 term Congressman Ron Paul. The Ron Paul nomination was the subject of much of the weekend discussion. The result of the Paul nomination plan will be the discredit and ridicule of the conservative movment after a Clinton landslide. The anti-Paul Bilderbergers warned that if Paul were the nominee the genie would be let out of the bottle never to return as he could very possible win. The members finally came to agreement and affirmed the Paul nomination after David Byrd of Allen Texas personally guaranteed a Clinton victory.
The Bilderberg Group is an unofficial invitation-only conference of around 130 guests, most of whom are persons of influence in Europe and North America. The contents of the meetings are kept secret. The group's stated justification for secrecy is that it enables people to speak freely without the need to carefully consider how every word might be interpreted by the mass media.
Hillary Clinton,in response to the documents stated, "I wouldn't worry about it. It was probably just Bill playing a joke in the honeymoon suite."
Ron Paul stated, "The Bilderberger's justification for secrecy is false. I am living proof. I speak freely all the time and the mass media doesn't report it at all!"
David Byrd, President of Diebold Election Systems, categorically denied any involvement with the Bilderberg Group. He claimed to be having lunch with George W Bush at the time.
The American tourist could not be found, but the hotel manager confirmed, "He couldn't find his hat, so he went to the neighborhood market to by more aluminum foil."