Kennebunkport, Maine - (Ass Mess): "Absolutely nothing suspicious about it!" was the official line taken today as a houseguest at George Bush Senior's summer retreat in Kennebunkport died suddenly after hearing the news that young Jenna Bush is seven months pregnant ahead of her White House shotgun wedding to Henry Hagar on Labor Day.
Bush Senior soon had the corpse taken away to a CIA handling facility for rapid processing citing 'extreme heat, flies and mosquitos' on the family compound as the chief reason for wanting to dump the cadaver as quickly as possible.
It is understood that an autopsy will not be required because the former President's word is sufficient for Kennebunkport Coroner's Department to accept that neither poison, gunshot wounds, nor any lethal intoxicants were in any way responsible for the sudden and unexpected demise this morning.
The mystery houseguest was descibed as a "kinda relative" of Mrs Bush Sr "and in now way important or at all newsworthy - whether dead or alive".
A discreet funeral is planned for Friday.