Written by Andrew Lawrence
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Topics: Congress

Wednesday, 22 August 2007

image for U.S. Congress Stuns Nation - By Actually Doing Something

(Washington) - U.S. taxpayers and voters across the land were stunned today when their elected representives in Washington actually passed legislation, legislation which even reflected the needs of the American people.

A recent Giddyup Poll showed that Congress had only an 18% favorable rating, lower than used car salesmen and only slightly higher than Osama Bin Laden.

A spokesperson for the American Assn of Disgruntled Citizens (AADC), commented, "Congress has done nothing in decades except spend money. In the past 10 years they have not secured the borders, stopped illegal immigration, fixed social security, passed a health care program or did anything to reduce our dependency on oil. Up to now they have been totally worthless. It's about time they did something productive on behalf of the American people."

Today, Congress passed a bunch of legislation, several based on the laws and customs of Iraq. The legislation included: all U.S. crimes, which will now include illegal immigration, will be punishable by public hanging, carried out within 7 days of being found guilty by your neighbor. The social security system has been disbanded and replaced by mandatory euthenasia at age 65. Free health care is now available to all Americans; they just have to go to Cuba and get it. Federal and state taxes on gasoline have been eliminated and, as a result, the price of gasoline has dropped to 29 cents a gallon.

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, smartly attired in yet another designer pantsuit, proclaimed, "We've been so busy playing politics we haven't had any time to represent the interests of the American people. Our ratings got too low so we thought we had better do a little business. Of course, next year is an election year so we'll be too busy to do anything else."

Welcome to America.

copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence

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