Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Wednesday, 22 August 2007

image for Elvis Presley's stolen handgun recovered; Memphis motels report TVs vandalized
The King Lives! And crowned inventor of the first TV remote control

Memphis, Tennessee - A handgun belonging to Elvis was returned today. It was stolen last week from the Memphis Museum during the weeklong celebration commemorating the 30-year anniversary of Elvis's death. Finger prints raised off the gun have authorities and fans in a row, however, as to the significance of the disappearance and reappearance of one of Elvis's favorite side arms.

Fans maintain that it is proof enough to them that Elvis is not only alive but having taken and then returned his own property it is a sign to them he is doing well, while authorities maintain that the thief merely must have taken care not wipe away Elvis's finger prints and leave theirs on the gun instead.

"That there sidearm was one of Elvis's favorites," said Paul Tucker, devoted Elvis fan. "That's the very same one he shot at TV screens with, before they invented the remote control to shut them off, I tell you."

Police dusted the handgun looking for finger prints because of a number of complaints that were filed by motel managers reporting that their TV sets in their rooms were vandalize during the same week of the handguns disappearance.

"That's what's got me stumped to tell you the truth," said County Sheriff, Todd Hodges, investing the matter. "I can explain all I want to this Elvis fans that the finger prints on that gun are Elvis's because it was his gun until I was blue in the face and get nowhere with them real fast."

"But I'll be damned," continued Sheriff Hodges. "If I can explain to myself, much less to those people, how all those TVs got all shot up like that in them there motels, having been all been cheeked into by a man fitting what Elvis would look like today, only 30-years later to the day. Huh, I just can't explain it and I don't want to neither. Bye."

Since police have no suspects and the handgun has been returned, they will consider the case closed. Except for the mystery of the shot out motel room TV screens, that case will remain open indefinitely.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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