Alaska - (Armageddon Press): Astrologers meeting at the London Earth Mysteries Symposium have warned that the eclipsed full moon on 28 August is poised to trigger a huge eruption of Alaska's Pavlof Volcano.
"The sign of Pisces represents mutable water," a Synposium source explained today, "and the eclipse is likely to be particularly deadly because of its traditional links to volatile seismic activity.
"The eruption could even trigger a chain reaction all along the underwater landmasses that hysterically link Alaska to Northern Russia's own volcano sites.
"We hope Mr Putin has factored this into the equatiions because some of his fault lines are prone to severe aftershocks.
"Particularly in those covert military zones where he has hidden his new hush-hush nuclear submarine bases," a Symposium cold war specialist added.
Meanwhile in Alaska the Corrupt Bastards Club has laughed off suggestions that astrology could be responsible for their imminent downfall despite geophysical evidence that Pavlof's eruption could well blow up a number of the vast oil field in the area.
"All it would take is for one huge spume of lava to fall on an oil platform or pipeline for the whole caboodle to blow sky high!" was the warning issued from the Alaskan Seismic and Geophysical survery today.
"If that happens we are all in deep shit. Truss me on this one!"