Written by Johnny Moodis
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Topics: Baby, New Jersey

Sunday, 7 March 2004

image for FCC Levels Record Fine at 4-year-old Boy
Howie Langston, rebel of the domestic airwaves.

The FCC imposed a record fine of $8.6 million on 4-year-old Howie Langston of Red Bank, New Jersey for broadcasting indecent material on his 3-month-old sister Lisa's baby monitor on Friday. Mr. Langston sparked the ire of the FCC by his repeated use of the word "poo poo" and by making references to his genitalia.

"Mr. Langston said several times in his March 5th broadcast that he had to 'poo-poo' and that his, excuse me for being blunt, 'jim dog hurt' because he 'had to made bubbles'." said Michael Powell, chairman of the FCC and privileged son of Secretary of State Colin Powell.

Mr. Langston's mother told The Spoof that her son plays with his sister's baby monitor all the time because it makes his voice sound funny.

"Howie loves to speak into that monitor." Mrs. Langston said, "I don't think he likes that Lisa gets all the attention on it, so he grabs it out of her crib and tells us that he has to go to the bathroom or that Spider-Man is cool. Sometimes he sings songs from Willy Wonka too."

Chairman Powell, however, is not amused.

"Mr. Langston has displayed a blatant disregard for the sanctity of the home and for the well being of his sister." Powell said. "Poor Lisa could listen to these lewd broadcasts and be morally corrupt forever as a result."

President George W. Bush, when asked to comment on the enormous fine, stated that the children are what the future needs to bring about the present of the future and make it a good present of the future.

"You see, I believe the children are our future." Bush explained. "Touch them well and let them see the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."

At that point, President Bush pointed out that the poor state of his speech was due to the fact that his speechwriters had all been fired for writing speeches that contained free and original thought.

Mr. Langston will pay off the exorbitant fine in installments of his allowance, which is now $2 a week, meaning he will be able to pay the sum off in approximately 86,000 years. In addition, his baby monitor privileges have been suspended indefinitely.

"We at the FCC believe that the silencing of Mr. Langston is a great first step in making this country safe for our children." Powell said.

When asked for comment, Mr. Langston uttered, "I like hot fudge sundaes." and then ran to the wall to scribble crayon on it, possibly something obscene, we couldn't tell.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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