Washington (IP) - Reports streaming into our Washington field office indicate that with all of the worry and fear being stirred up by the latest lead tainted toy scare that there is still one item that parents won't have to worry about. That item is Mattel's Exorcism Doll which is capable of exorcising the lead content out of itself.
Contrary to popular belief it is not greed which makes possible such things as lead tainted toys manufactured in countries that pay low wages. The real cause is evil spirits and demons with high lead content that inadvertently find their way into inanimate objects like toys and computers.
Parents who understand this phenomenon and are capable of issuing the proper solemn commands can liberate toys and other seemingly lifeless objects from the demons and spirits which have taken up residence within the confines of these material possessions. The Mattel Exorcism Doll makes it simple for parents due to its ability not only to be possessed by lead demons but also by its ability to free itself from the same.
Parents can feel confident that they can leave their children alone with the Exorcism Doll while said parents go about their day engaged in adult activities. The doll is perfectly capable of detecting spiritual anomalies and demons with lead content at which time the head begins to rotate a full 360 degrees. At the same time Latin commands are solemnly issued from the dolls mouth and voila, the doll becomes a sweet and adorable play toy and does all of this without the need for batteries.