Written by Dignan
Print this
Topics: History, FOX News, Fox

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

image for FOX NEWS to launch FOX NEWS CLASSIC
Breaking news...

In a move that surprised some and intrigued others and left still others vaguely indifferent, Rupert Murdoch introduced FOX NEWS CLASSIC to the cable viewing audience. The network will consist largely of old newsreels and editorials from local news channels across America - some as old as the early 1950's and as recent as the late 1990's.

"We feel that by creating this network, we're responding to a very real need," Murdoch said in a statement in his fuzzy, Bond-villain-with-Alzheimer's style of speech. "We feel that America - now more than ever - needs to be reminded of a time when the views of today's extreme far right were the American mainstream. When bigotry and intolerance, hatred and alarm were the watchwords of every good citizen. When gays were in the closet and women were at home, where they bloody well belonged."

The network claims to have something for everybody. From editorials praising George Wallace trying to prevent black students from entering a white school, to B-roll of Barry Goldwater speeches. Murdoch even promised forgotten weather reports from 1954, "When there was an afternoon in Duluth in the month of February where the temperature was in the low sixties. This will go a long way toward debunking the myth of global warming."

"This is an exciting day for the silent majority of Americans who want nothing more than to shut up, sit down, and be told what to think," said nebbishy FOX pundit, Sean Hannity, who will have a weekly feature on the network. "I'm just proud to be a part of it."

Make Dignan's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 4?

9 4 12 21
71 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more