District of Columbia (Doomsday Clock Weekly) - President Bush has announced that, if necessary, he will not hesitate to use tactical nuclear weapons against the US Congress in the coming months.
Responding to a question posed by a pesky investigative journalist (who somehow managed to get past security), Mr. Bush retorted:
"Right back at ya! I ain't never felt more engaged or more capable of helpin' tha American people recognize... that there's alot of unfinished bidness... an' I'm really lookin' forward to them next 15 months... I'm lookin' forward to gittin' sumpin' done... an' if it ain't gittin' done, then I'm lookin' forward to remindin' folks as to why it ain't gittin' done... an' if that means usin' tactical nucular weapons aginst Congress, then so be it (heh, heh)."
Further explaining his position, Mr. Bush added that he doesn't have many friends left in Washington so he is not afraid who he might upset.