Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: George W. Bush

Saturday, 11 August 2007

image for President Bush Battles Tick - Tick Wins
War is hell.

While cycling on his Texas ranch in a field of sunflowers, President Bush came face to face with an armed enemy combatant - the tick. Not an ordinary tick, but a real live terrorist tick carrying the dreaded Lyme disease.

Evidenced by the bulls eye rash that the President developed, this tick was loaded with the disease when it surged into action firing one. The tick won. Bush had to be treated with antibiotics which successfully eradicated the disease. Besides the rash, none of the other symptoms have since developed such as: lethargy, joint pain, fever, limping, and loss of appetite. Lethargy? Iffy. It was evidenced before the suicidal tick attack, and reason Bush has spent more time on vacations than at the White House.

There is no truth to the rumor that Bush awarded himself a Purple Heart after being wounded in the line of fire, or that the President has taken to wearing camouflage fatigues in the Oval office, reminiscing about his days on the battle field riding his mountain bike.

Like the dead tick, the military Surge in Iraq has received its final rights and will soon be relegated to footnote status. While preparing for General Petraeus assessment in September, the war in Iraq has already been given another new term and solution: Political.

Strategy in Iraq continues to change like the Capital One bait and switch commercial on television. A princess kisses a toad who promises rewards in return for a kiss. Puff of smoke and the toad turns into a ferret, who promises rewards for a kiss. Puff of smoke, ferret turns into a turkey; the turkey turns into a orangutan; and lastly, the orangutan turns into a half goat, half man creature with breasts. The princess gives up and walks away.

The presence of the United States in Iraq has reached the stage of half goat, half man creature with breasts. Regardless of any loss of appetite, joint pain or fever that withdrawing might cause President Bush, it's time for him to limp out of Iraq.

Rash or no rash.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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