Written by David Baker
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Topics: Jesus, democracy

Wednesday, 3 March 2004

image for Bush calls Jesus "Threat to Democracy"
Jesus yesterday

George Bush, in a statement today has branded Jesus "A dangerous revolutionary and probably a commie" in a speech to the Council of Churches today.

"I know what God wants, I am speaking to him daily and he tells me. God wants me to go to war and be spreading the holy word of democracy. Does not the Bible instruct us to go forth and bomb those who disagree with our ways until they do agree with us? Does not the Bible tell us that America is blessed by God as his favouritest country? And yet this Jesus fellow is going round saying that peacemakers are blessed and that they will be sons of God. Any god fearing American knows that peacemakers are commies and cowards."

"Jesus also says "Blessed are the merciful and blessed are the meek." This is dangerous revolutionary stuff. If we were merciful then we wouldn't be able to kill hundreds of thousands of dirty towel heads to make up for the 3000 beautiful American lives that were so cruelly taken from us in 7/11. And it is just plain un-American to be meek, us Texans are born to be loud and brash and have bigger balls than anyone else ever. So ignore Jesus, this evil seditious Palestinian was a fraud. I am God's most beloved and don't you forget it."

When asked for a response Pope John Paul 2 mumbled incoherently and wet himself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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