Written by Andrew Lawrence
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Friday, 10 August 2007

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(Chicago) - Super rich talk show host, Oprah Wimpy, today was accused of money laundering.

The accusation was published in the paparazzi newspaper, The National Inquisitor, based on a long investigation of 5 minutes. According to the paper's reporter, Tab Lloyd, "Oprah is definitely and knowingly involved in money laundering".

An Oprah spokesperson responded, "Yes, it's true. Oprah launders money. Several times a week she takes all her paper money and puts it in the washing machine (permanent press cycle). Then she puts it in the dryer for 30 minutes (low heat) and then irons each bill. Oprah likes her money to be clean and germ free."

Chicago District Attorney, Sue Quick, said, "No criminal charges will be filed."

A spokesperson for the Celebrity Psychiatric Assocation stated, "From her behavior in this matter we believe Oprah may suffer from a mild obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) which makes her launder her money. This is harmless, provided she uses no bleach."

copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence

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