Upyers Press - Amtrak Officials have been working on a highly controversial, yet secret project at a test facility located in northern Alaska. The train has been under development since 2000 and has reached speeds as high as 666 mph, but would only average about 500.
"What makes this train so incredible is that it will be able to utilize existing tracks," said an Amtrak official, "It has sensors that will slow it down when the tracks are too rough or the bed isn't good."
"If that's the case, these trains won't average more than 40 mph," said an Amtrak engineer," on condition of anonymity,"If they try they'll be pickin' up the remains with a spoon."
"This is an overreaction," said Amtrak officials, "This train can beat any train in the world and it is safe. There are multiple sensors, including heat imaging technology to detect moles, groundhogs and badger dens."
Other sensors were less easy to explain, such as equipment for mammograms, sonar, altimeters, and cow bells.