Written by Heewack
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Monday, 6 August 2007

image for Muppets, Ewoks Brawl at Henson Productions Reunion
Err...now, what's that you say about my finger?

LOS ANGELES -- A reunion organized to celebrate the life of the late Jim Henson was marred by a vicious brawl between the Muppets and their chief rivals, the Ewoks.

Unconfirmed reports said as many as six creatures were killed in the melee; however, a spokesman for Henson Productions said those reports were exaggerated and would only say that several of those involved "had the stuffing knocked out of them."

Reliable sources said the brawl started when the Ewoks began taunting Miss Piggy during her tribute speech to Henson at the reunion, which was organized to celebrate the 30th anniversary of The Muppet Show.

According to the sources, the Ewoks began chanting, "You smell like Kermit's finger," which enraged the pig's longtime companion, Kermit the Frog, who raced over to the tables where the Ewoks were sitting and confronted them, allegedly calling them "chak-eating lhasa apsos."

Kermit and several Ewoks began trading punches and the fight progressed into a full-scale brawl involving as many as 40 participants.

"It was awful," said Big Bird, who had more than a dozen feathers pulled from his back. "They should just go back to Endor as far as I'm concerned. Nobody liked them in 'Star Wars' anyway."

Longtime Henson collaborator Frank Oz said he will "never forget the sight of Oscar the Grouch stuffing an Ewok into his garbage can and smashing the lid."

It took more than 20 minutes to restore order. A local doll hospital official reported that her waiting room was "overflowing with the injured."

The brawl was overwhelming for Yoda, the seminal Star Wars guru, who said he knew most of those involved in the donnybrook.

"Good this was not," Yoda said. "Bad this was. Get along why can't we all?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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