Murphy, North Carolina (IP) - A study conducted in Murphy's Law Center in Murphy, N.C. reveals that just because you are paranoid does not necessarily mean you really are not being followed around.
Professor of Murphy's Law Dr. Snidely Von Finootch followed some paranoid schizoid types around for weeks and Dr. Finootch came to the startling conclusion that these folks were actually being followed around. Dr. Finootch became quite paranoid himself by his own study after arriving to a secondary conclusion that except for 12:00 noon that he himself was also being followed around by a shadowy figure. He has come to the brilliant deduction that the shadowy figures go to lunch at noon and that is why he was not able to see them every day at that time.
The shadowy figures seem to exhibit a disdain for cloudy days and moonless nights in that no evidence of their presence was detected during these periods by the now heavily sedated Dr. Finootch. Dr. Finootch fears that the shadowy figures may have links to the supernatural world in that they are never visible in mirrors.
Dr. Finootch will have to be weaned gradually off of his medications. The government wants to pay him $15 million dollars to learn why foot prints always seem to follow people who walk down dirt roads and whether or not infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.