Former United States President William Jefferson "Bill" Clinton, husband of current New York Senator and Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton, has decided that he does not want to be the first lady.
"First off, I ain't no lady. I wouldn't have a clue how to host tea parties or what to use to decorate the White House. Like as not, I'd just buy it all from Walmart or the Bass Pro Shop."
"Second of all, everyone knows that the First Lady has to entertain the wives of the foreign dignataries. Everyone knows how I like to entertain women, and some of them kings and emirs might get upset about their wives smoking my cigar."
"Third, being called First Lady just don't sound right for a man. Some feller in Scotland said that I could be the First Laddie, but that sounds foreign and kind of faggoty."
"I've made up my mind. If Hillary gets elected, we'll bring back our daughter Chelsea to be the first lady. She's about as horse faced and butt ugly as Eleanor Roosevelt, so she'll fit the part just perfectly."
"That way, we can switch places and I can play the part of the Presidential college age daughter. Then, I get to hang out with the daughters of foreign dignitaries and go talk to all of the sororities and college groups and cheerleaders and such. I could be a great role model for these girls and share my wisdom and expertise with them. We could even have sleep-overs, pajama parties, and slumer parties. We'll give the Lincoln bedroom a work out it hasn't seen since JFK and Marilyn Monroe! (if you don't count me and Monica)."
"I think my solution is perfect all the way around!"