Presidential candidate Ron Paul used his congressional postal rights and mailed out three hundred promotional pictures of himself (to all of his supporters) along with instructions for masturbating to his picture, boxes of tissue, and bottles of vaseline. Paul aides say that their candidate also wants his supporters to have the vaseline ready so that they can "bend over and take one for the campaign" when he comes to their area.
One campaign supporter, Ethan Smith, was elated at the news. "Ron Paul is a great American and I will add the latest picture to my collection! The others were kind of getting stuck together anyway, so a new one will be a treat! I hope he picks me and my old, fat ass for his special honors when he comes to my hometown."
When asked why they would support a candidate who went from being a Republican to a Libertarian back to a Republican, supporters could not answer and shook their heads in confusion, trying to figure out the changes and what it all meant.