Washington D.C. -- In response to his rapidly plummeting poll numbers and the recent revelations that the word most likely to be associated with his presidency is "incompetent," President Bush lashed out at members of the assembled press corps during a recent White House press conference while claiming that they were partially responsible for his fall from favor.
As President Bush's demeanor noticeably darkened, the usual mischievous twinkle in his eyes was replaced by a grim glower and a conspicuous tic. In a voice uncharacteristic of his generally relaxed, down homey, honey tinged, transplanted Texan style, President Bush berated the assembled reporters with a rapid, spitfire diatribe several octaves above his usual silver-tongued tenor.
With his hands firmly clutching the sides of the lectern, President Bush raised up on his toes, leaned forward, looked down and fixed his wrathful twitch on the gathered reporters. His voice noticeably cracking and hissing through clenched teeth, the President chastised the assembled news men and women for spreading vicious, unwarranted rumors about him and his administration.
Displaying the usual quick wit, deep understanding and candor of a crack head deep in the throws of a major psychotic event, the President shrieked at the assembled journalists, "Contrarily to the common peon there is absolutely nothing wrong with my pooper. And I'm a gonna tell you stinkin' lefty, crayon pushin' hacks this just one time and only one time. All that Skull and Crossbones initiation stuff aside, my old sphincterator is as tight as it ever was. Ain't nothin' sneakin' outta my back door without me givin' it it's marchin' orders first."
While absently plunging a digit into his right ear and minutely examining the resultant prize, President Bush continued, "I'm not denying that there might have been an occasional or two when one or another of my underlings may have soiled themselves while I was in the process of ripping them a new one. And, sure there may have been a time or two that the Secret Service fellas discovered a discarded depends stuffed under a carpet in the offal office. But, I'm tellin ya those sure as hell weren't my fudge brownie delights."