Washington D.C. (IP) - Former Secretary of Offense Donald De Rumsfelt is being investigated for his role in a world wide scam designed to make billions of dollars in profits based on a phony bird flu scam. Washington DC Special Prosecutor Poindexter X. Finootch is leading the investigation.
The bird flu scam included phony press releases which the major networks obligingly reported as fact. The reports have all but disappeared from the news but generated near panic among international hypochondriacs anonymous members and survivalists. The medical community held meetings on the issue which really amounted to nothing but a huge waste of time and resources.
Many birds became so depressed by the news that they committed suicide en masse by flying into cables and glass windows and buildings. Other birds flew close to hunters so they could be shot in what is being called suicide by hunter.
The drug companies and investors involved in the scheme made billion of dollars in profits which Mr. Finootch claims makes the Martha Stewart scandal appear like a girl scout picnic in comparison.
George Bush reminded the press and the prosecutor's office that republicans are above the law and how dare anyone question anything they have done over the last 7 years of the Bushstapo regime. Mr. Bush blamed everything on Clinton and suggested that this is where the prosecutor's office should be sticking its inquisitive nose. He warned the prosecutor that he could find himself in Guantanamo if he did not watch his step because diverting Bush's attention from the war on terror in any way amounts to complicity with terrorists. Bush said, "you are either with us or against us".